It’s Not About You

May 23, 2010 by

It’s Not About You

When you love someone, anyone, a parent, a child, a lover, a friend, a co-worker, you don’t think about you, you think about them. That’s one of the defining traits of truly caring …

It’s Not About You, It’s About Them

When lovers connect, they melt into each other, if only for a moment. For that moment it is not about how they feel, it is about how the other feels. They give up a little bit of themselves to bond with someone else.

You’ve seen this, you know what it looks like from the outside, you know what it feels like from the inside. People call it sacrifice … a parent’s sacrifice for a child, Romeo’s sacrifice for Juliet, a friend’s sacrifice for the safety of his comrades. But I don’t think it is a sacrifice. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines sacrifice as “something given up or lost”. But sacrifice comes from Middle English meaning “to make sacred”. So really, when it’s about them and not about you, nothing is given up or lost, rather the contrary, you are making the connection with the other person sacred.

I believe this is true across all human relationships: personal, romantic, professional, familial. When you let go of the ego thinking it is all about you, and you feel you’ve gained something when it’s all about them … magic happens:

  • Lovers fall in love all over again
  • Clients can’t help but grow their relationships
  • Colleagues become more attached and loyalty grows

So here’s the question: “When’s the last time you stopped thinking about yourself and starting thinking about them.” But you have to answer the question honestly. The last time you felt compelled to focus on them, and felt like you gained something, you didn’t make a sacrifice.

If you can do this … let go of your ego and truly care about the other individual, they’ll be so floored that the lover will fall in love again, the client will become ecstatic again, the team will be adoring again … and you … and you my friend … you’ll have gained something indescribable

See you on the wire

— Steven Cardinale

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