Mar 19, 2016 by



I’ve been feeling a bit discombobulated as of late. Out of sorts so to speak. Not comfortable in my own skin. Abuzz with a static electricity running though my being making everything from my skin to my insides spike with jolts. I haven’t been able to figure out why. Haven’t been able to determine the core cause, the root of the problem so to speak. Then the Universe spoke to me. It said “Honor”, that’s what has you so wound up. This post will be a little different than my typical post. It’s more direct, less fluid. But nonetheless still as important as the others, so stay with me.

HonorI’ve been listening to Alison Armstrong, a thought leader on masculine and feminine. In listing to Understanding Women (Chapter 20 in the Audible audiobook at 2:32) Alison states the following: “Honor is doing the right thing no matter how you feel about it”.

That hit me hard. There is so much packed into that little statement that it stopped me in my tracks. Two pieces stood out:

  • The right thing
  • No matter how you feel

What does it mean to do the right thing? What is the right thing? That’s going to need a post all to itself. Alison states that as a man I’m hard wired to “protect and provide,” and fulfilling those two biological imperatives IS the Right Thing by definition. And I do buy that 100% from a DNA standpoint.

The phrase “no matter how you feel” is terribly telling as well as terrifying and true. I never realized how little my feelings and emotional state matter when it comes to fulfilling my instinctual duties. It’s strange to understand that my feelings don’t matter. And if your feelings don’t matter then maybe the rest of you doesn’t matter as well. Again, that needs to be explored deeply in another post as well.

So what happens when the protector in you is supposed to shield the people you care about from harm, but the provider in you is also supposed to provide them happiness and those two things are at odds with each other? And what happens when those two things are at odds because of actions from the people you care about or because of you.


Tug Of War


What happens when?

Protection is AT RISK from a THREAT FROM WITHIN

When YOU or the PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT are the THREAT to the Protection that is supposed to be provided THERE IS A HUGE shredding of your soul.

It is this constant tug of war between providing the happiness (another full post … I know there is going to be plenty of follow up on this one) your loved ones crave and the protection they need.

I’ve been going through this recently in all directions. Feeling I am the tiger at the door or that my loved ones are their own tigers, and in the end how I feel doesn’t matter anyway so I just have to fulfill my duty which I can’t fulfill because I’m the one standing in the way of fulfilling it. I know there have to be so many other people (men & women) who feel the same way.

So here’s my question: “What can you do to recognize the opposition between the expression of wants and the need to feel safe?” If you can take a breath and see how those opposite extremes will cause existential crisis, both in yourself and in the ones you care about, then maybe you have taken a step towards becoming more aware of your influence. I’m trying to do this every morning in my meditation. Sometimes it sticks, sometimes, it doesn’t. But it takes you honoring a commitment to awaken to heal these wounds.

See you on the wire

— Steven Cardinale

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