The Question

Jun 24, 2009 by

The Question

I’m in the middle of reading a book by Keith Ferrazzi called “Who’s Got Your Back” and it is all about relationship management and how having a different mindset can change everything. And somewhere in the book he talks about how Anthony Robbins asked in the past “what’s your main driving question?”

Now I’ve answered that before … probably 5+ years ago. What drives me? It’s not a simple question. What question does your subconsciousness consistently ask, over and over again? Not something that is in the forefront of your mind. But that question that constantly colors your perceptions, your points of view. I’ve asked many people and here are the answers I’ve gotten:

  • “Am I worthy?”
  • “When will I screw up?”
  • “Am I lovable?”
  • “That’s not good enough.” (the real question is “Why am I not perfect?”)
  • “Is it safe?”
  • “Am I alone?”

There’s a new one that I just heard “When will it end?”

There are hundreds of variations, but these variations really just represent different wordings on a few core questions that we as human beings have in the true center of our experience.

So, I’ve been looking at my Core Question. What drives me. And what is interesting is that once you figure it out, you’ll notice that you act in a way to support your belief.

If your question is “Am I lovable” then you will constantly push people to the point where it is tough to love you. You’re doing this to test your question “Am I lovable”. And if you push hard enough you break the relationship and prove to yourself that you’re not lovable (talk about approach-avoidance behavior).

So here’s my question: “What do you have to do to get to your core question?”
“What do you have to let go of so you can really see your core question?”
“What behaviors do you have that are being driven by something deep inside you?”
“What does having your core question do for you?”
“How can you let go of your attachment to your core?”

It’s tough stuff. Stuff that you think you’ve answered and then find out … nope you don’t have it yet. Stuff that you’ll judge yourself for.

So answer that question and see how that answer works. Does it really drive all your behaviors? If so then maybe you’re at your core.

See you on the wire

— Steven Cardinale

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